9-12-07
the other day I got the chance to catch up with one of my mentors in life. He told me about a time when he was taking a walk, and all at once it finally hit him just how far away all his friends had drifted. And he broke down and cried.
I think I'm at a point in my life where things are really starting to hit me hard. The last three years have changed me more than any other time in my life. People always describe change in terms of bad and good. For me, the last three years have just changed me to be. I actually am something now.
On the way to the beach a few weeks ago, my friend Mark Dodd and I were talking about how stupid we were with electives in high school. The point of electives is that you have extra classes that you need to take, but you get to choose which ones you want to take. For us being musicians, we chose music classes where we could learn cool stuff that we were interested in. Yet when it came down to the teacher assigning work, we complained about it, didn't put much effort into it, asked other kids for answers, and treated it like it wasn't something we signed up for. Looking back, I really wish I had learned a lot more from those classes. I chose to be in those classes, and yet I took it for granted.
I think that the most beautiful thing God has been teaching me is that following him has nothing to do with feelings, and everything to do with commitment. It is something I signed up for. And it is something I want to follow through on, regardless of how I feel in the moment.
Driving home just now, I pictured my life like a giant canvas with a painting I was working on. I told God that I am either going to paint the next stroke, or put the brush down and walk away. Because just standing there and looking at it doesn't make me a painter at all. It makes me nothing. A fake.
I have to admit that I've spent lots of periods of my life as a lukewarm Christian, most of the time probably telling myself I wasn't. I'm starting the grasp the reason God attacks lukewarm Christians so harshly. I spent a good chunk of my life just being prideful and constantly looking down on people who didn't "get it" like I did. In reality, all these people I made fun of for the things they did, the things they said, or the ways they sought after for meaning in life, were searching a lot harder than I was.
Who is a bigger fool? The man searching for gold who never finds it. Or the man who finds it and buries it.
So what if the kid in my class thinks saving trees is the most important thing in life. He's searching for truth like everyone else. Everyone else except me. I already found truth, but did nothing. So who am I to judge him?
Two weeks ago I went with the Crave College Ministry to Forest Home on the College Briefing trip. I think that more and more I am finding that the college age absolutely tears at my heart and should be at the forefront (and usually is) of every church. Working with youth ministry has taught me that the truth sets us free. I think that being involved in college ministry has taught me that freedom reveals the real truth. That when people finally reach the age where mom and dad can't tell them what to do anymore, where they have every chance to fail, where their hearts and minds are being pulled in every direction, the choice to follow Christ is so beautiful.
I wish I could see what God has in store for the next year. I have lost and gained more friends in the last year than in my entire life. Some days I can sit around thinking about this and wonder where it all went wrong. I can spend entire days just wondering why things have led up to this part of my life.
But honestly, all I know is that I've committed myself to Jesus Christ. The past and future aren't in my hands. All I have in my hands is this paintbrush. And the painting is just beginning to unfold in front of my eyes with each new stroke. I've made up my mind to not stare at it any longer. So my only choice is to paint the next stroke or walk away. And I'm not walking away.
I think I'm at a point in my life where things are really starting to hit me hard. The last three years have changed me more than any other time in my life. People always describe change in terms of bad and good. For me, the last three years have just changed me to be. I actually am something now.
On the way to the beach a few weeks ago, my friend Mark Dodd and I were talking about how stupid we were with electives in high school. The point of electives is that you have extra classes that you need to take, but you get to choose which ones you want to take. For us being musicians, we chose music classes where we could learn cool stuff that we were interested in. Yet when it came down to the teacher assigning work, we complained about it, didn't put much effort into it, asked other kids for answers, and treated it like it wasn't something we signed up for. Looking back, I really wish I had learned a lot more from those classes. I chose to be in those classes, and yet I took it for granted.
I think that the most beautiful thing God has been teaching me is that following him has nothing to do with feelings, and everything to do with commitment. It is something I signed up for. And it is something I want to follow through on, regardless of how I feel in the moment.
Driving home just now, I pictured my life like a giant canvas with a painting I was working on. I told God that I am either going to paint the next stroke, or put the brush down and walk away. Because just standing there and looking at it doesn't make me a painter at all. It makes me nothing. A fake.
I have to admit that I've spent lots of periods of my life as a lukewarm Christian, most of the time probably telling myself I wasn't. I'm starting the grasp the reason God attacks lukewarm Christians so harshly. I spent a good chunk of my life just being prideful and constantly looking down on people who didn't "get it" like I did. In reality, all these people I made fun of for the things they did, the things they said, or the ways they sought after for meaning in life, were searching a lot harder than I was.
Who is a bigger fool? The man searching for gold who never finds it. Or the man who finds it and buries it.
So what if the kid in my class thinks saving trees is the most important thing in life. He's searching for truth like everyone else. Everyone else except me. I already found truth, but did nothing. So who am I to judge him?
Two weeks ago I went with the Crave College Ministry to Forest Home on the College Briefing trip. I think that more and more I am finding that the college age absolutely tears at my heart and should be at the forefront (and usually is) of every church. Working with youth ministry has taught me that the truth sets us free. I think that being involved in college ministry has taught me that freedom reveals the real truth. That when people finally reach the age where mom and dad can't tell them what to do anymore, where they have every chance to fail, where their hearts and minds are being pulled in every direction, the choice to follow Christ is so beautiful.
I wish I could see what God has in store for the next year. I have lost and gained more friends in the last year than in my entire life. Some days I can sit around thinking about this and wonder where it all went wrong. I can spend entire days just wondering why things have led up to this part of my life.
But honestly, all I know is that I've committed myself to Jesus Christ. The past and future aren't in my hands. All I have in my hands is this paintbrush. And the painting is just beginning to unfold in front of my eyes with each new stroke. I've made up my mind to not stare at it any longer. So my only choice is to paint the next stroke or walk away. And I'm not walking away.
posted by David Hughes at 11:04 PM
2 Comments:
David, You are a stud! This story was awesome and it is so great to see the advances you have made in your faith! Well said my friend.
beautiful david.
my mind is racing.
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