9-19-07
People have always argued whether human nature is essentially good or evil. I think it is a good argument not just because I like thinking about things, but more because it scares me. It's really easy for people to watch movies or hear stories and wonder how in the world people end up like that. How do humans become murderers? Rapists? Lately, I have pondered the question, "How do humans NOT become all these things?"
I have a hard time watching movies like Hotel Rwanda, Blood Diamond, or The Invisible Children. My stomach always gets sick, especially when I see the kids with guns killing people. It's almost like you can look in their eyes and see nothing. It doesn't seem possible. It doesn't seem human.
My friend Travis bought me a knife in Africa. It is about 10 inches, double-edged, and in a sheath. Every so often I pull it out and put it in my hand. I hold it out in front of me and stare at it until I start shaking and have to put it away. Images start rushing into my head while I am holding it of what it would be like for me to kill someone. What would it be like to be a killer? Would I do it?
I remember reading a part in the book, Blue Like Jazz, where Donald Miller talks about how human pride wants to believe that we are above certain things. That we are incapable of such terrible acts. That under the same circumstances, we wouldn't choose the same path. Lately, my mind has been racing with the idea of being broken in front of God, not allowing pride to keep Christ from doing work in my life.
As a Christian living comfortably, feeling loved, and being surrounded by believers my entire life, I have to be careful of the thoughts that begin to develop in my head. Is it possible that I have convinced myself I am above certain things? Am I a pretty good guy? I really can't get this all out of my head.
My friend Mark Dodd and I always talk about how amazing the song, "John Wayne Gacy Jr." by Sufjan Stevens is. The song talks about John Wayne Gacy Jr., the famous rapist and killer. It describes his childhood, the terrible things he did, and the scars he left on an entire community. And at the very end of the song, Sufjan adds this:
And in my best behavior
I am really just like him
look underneath the floorboards
for the secrets I have hid
I really don't know how to wrap up thoughts like this. I don't think I will stop thinking about this for a long time. I do know that Christ's answer is always the same: come just as you are. Whether I want to admit it or not, I am broken and sinful. Allowing my mind to wrap its arms around the idea just happens to be a lot more beneficial than trying to deny it.
Because as I become more and more broken before God, my pride sheds like old skin. And with the loss of pride comes humility, and with humility comes servanthood. And serving is essentially putting other people first, which is the ultimate sign of love. And love is our greatest aim.
I have a hard time watching movies like Hotel Rwanda, Blood Diamond, or The Invisible Children. My stomach always gets sick, especially when I see the kids with guns killing people. It's almost like you can look in their eyes and see nothing. It doesn't seem possible. It doesn't seem human.
My friend Travis bought me a knife in Africa. It is about 10 inches, double-edged, and in a sheath. Every so often I pull it out and put it in my hand. I hold it out in front of me and stare at it until I start shaking and have to put it away. Images start rushing into my head while I am holding it of what it would be like for me to kill someone. What would it be like to be a killer? Would I do it?
I remember reading a part in the book, Blue Like Jazz, where Donald Miller talks about how human pride wants to believe that we are above certain things. That we are incapable of such terrible acts. That under the same circumstances, we wouldn't choose the same path. Lately, my mind has been racing with the idea of being broken in front of God, not allowing pride to keep Christ from doing work in my life.
As a Christian living comfortably, feeling loved, and being surrounded by believers my entire life, I have to be careful of the thoughts that begin to develop in my head. Is it possible that I have convinced myself I am above certain things? Am I a pretty good guy? I really can't get this all out of my head.
My friend Mark Dodd and I always talk about how amazing the song, "John Wayne Gacy Jr." by Sufjan Stevens is. The song talks about John Wayne Gacy Jr., the famous rapist and killer. It describes his childhood, the terrible things he did, and the scars he left on an entire community. And at the very end of the song, Sufjan adds this:
And in my best behavior
I am really just like him
look underneath the floorboards
for the secrets I have hid
I really don't know how to wrap up thoughts like this. I don't think I will stop thinking about this for a long time. I do know that Christ's answer is always the same: come just as you are. Whether I want to admit it or not, I am broken and sinful. Allowing my mind to wrap its arms around the idea just happens to be a lot more beneficial than trying to deny it.
Because as I become more and more broken before God, my pride sheds like old skin. And with the loss of pride comes humility, and with humility comes servanthood. And serving is essentially putting other people first, which is the ultimate sign of love. And love is our greatest aim.
posted by David Hughes at 11:36 PM
1 Comments:
I really enjoyed reading this, David. I feel like I want to cry, but I'm not quite sure why. I know God will reveal the reason to me sometime in the near future; I'll be sure to let you know when that happens.
Have you ever thought of submitting your work to get published or possibly to "Relevant"? I think you should.
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