Thoughts: September 20th 2008

I think that the recipe for my deepest thoughts is good music and new seasons of life. 

I look in the mirror more now than I ever have...I look myself in the eyes and remind myself of things that are true. I can't imagine what would happen if I left my house without doing that first. 

I can hear the freeway when I walk outside my apartment. I like that a lot. 

I use crosswalks a lot now. No matter how long you stand next to someone waiting to cross, they won't say hi. They probably won't look up. I always want to say good morning but I never do. 

We don't have T.V. in our apartment. I read through Genesis this week. I wish I knew more about the bible. A lot of people wish that though and never do anything about it. I'm gonna do something about it. 

I watched the movie, "Into the Wild" with my roommate, Mark and our friend Josh. I think there is a lot to be learned from that movie. I like that he only takes the money he needs, and gives the rest away, and then even burns some of it that he doesn't need. There are lot of things worse than money that I need to not be attached to. 

The more people I meet the more I like truth. I like that no matter how many ways people try to swim against the current of their souls, it's the same current. And they all need the same truth to turn around. 

Victory over sin happens not when I can look it in the face and say no, but when I have found something more worthy of being looked upon and have no reason to turn around. 

I don't need to do an inventory on what I need. It's all there. Each day. Without fail. 

There are a lot of things that people have died trying to do that I sometimes feel too busy to do. I wonder how much more alive I really am in those moments. 

Sometimes I spend too much time trying to figure out if I am worrying about the future or just curious. Either way, it usually keeps me from actually doing something about it. 

I like taking care of people, but I'm not ready to take care of someone. And that's fine. 

If I play the right song I can sort through old memories and convince myself that those were the good days. But they weren't. 

I spent a lot of years thinking I could move forward while looking backward. 

there's nothing more we need

cuz we are found in you

and though are hands are empty

we're clinging to your truth

if our voice is yours

it's louder lord

if our hands are  yours

they'll feed the poor

if our strength is yours

we'll be victors

if there's something i lack

then it's nothing i need

forever lord

this story is complete

Lately I have put a lot of thought into how much I love worship music. For the last 9 years of my life, worship music has relatively consumed it. 

One of the best parts about being able to play in so many different church settings with many different worship leaders is that I can sit down at the end of a day, or a month, or a year, and just sort through what I have seen. For years I have asked myself questions like these: 

1. What is the purpose of worship music?

2. What makes worship music different from other music?

3. What does God want from me in worshipping him through music?

4. What works?

5. What doesn't work?

6. Am I allowed to ask what works and what doesn't work?

7. What causes a congregation to want to worship God during music?

8. Is there truly anything worship leaders can do differently to change people's desires?

9. Why is worship music in some churches or youth groups just plain awkward?

10. Are we called to simply have our own hearts prepared, or can we help others?

These are some of the things that have swirled through my mind driving home from playing drums at different church services, youth groups, worship nights, etc. Over the years I have played nights where I drove home speechless, having felt like it was the most incredible worship experience I have ever had. Other nights I would drive home speechless because I couldn't believe I didn't die of awkwardness before it was over. 

I don't really want to sort through every possible worship definition, theory, or solution. And I don't really want to try and break down numbers and seating arrangements and lighting and how many candles per table. But I do want to think dangerously practical. 

If there is one thing that I truly believe separates incredible worship of God from a simple good time, happy feelings, or complete awkwardness it is this: Be vulnerable. 

The ancient musical struggle of young vs. old in the church is probably never going to go away. The days of pipe organists and drummers sharing solos are most likely never coming. But whether your worship setting is fresh out of the womb, or just trying to make it to the next meal, I truly believe that authentic worship happens best through vulnerability. And the best part is that not only can it happen in our hearts, but it can also happen in our songs. 

Take for example what I would call the "Contemporary Christian Tune" (CCT...sure why not). Broken down and mapped out, the typical CCT would look something like this: 

Pretty simple. Standard form. The dotted line of "Intensity" simply refers to just that, volume, power, and therefore, emotion as well. 

Most contemporary churches (including my home church of Saddleback), don't veer very far off this roadmap. Maybe toss in a special music song here, or a reflection song there, and spice things up for Christmas and Easter. But in a typical weekend, songs will be emotionally straightforward, and about as controversial as chicken noodle soup. 

What is the other option? Well, put simply, it is to be vulnerable with our music. To allow our music to reflect the emotional battles of our week that we bring to God in worship. This style, like it or not, isn't going anywhere. And it looks something like this: 

This is what could be called modern worship. It is risky, emotional, and powerful. If these two graphs were roller coasters, you could bet which one might make you lose your lunch. 

So what is vulnerability in worship? And is it even biblical? Is it so wrong to have upbeat and cheerful singing in a church? Are you just one of those youth group kids that refuses to use major chords? Those are all questions worth sorting through. 

Vulnerability in worship is when we refuse to put our best foot forward. It's when we recognize the struggles of life, the peaks and valleys, our hurts and pains, our joys and victories, and express our love for God through, despite, and because of all of it. It is refusing to be Joe Christian who never has a bad day. It is when the congregation has more to think about then whether or not their claps are on beat, and what restaurant to eat at afterwards. Vulnerability in worship is authenticity expressed through the speakers, our lives expressed in our voices, and our hearts expressed in our posture. 

But worship isn't about us. It is about God, and God is always good. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. And worship isn't about me, it is about who God is, and me recognizing that. So for us to sit around and talk about how my life and my struggles and my heart is supposed to effect God's gift from us is kind of immature. Right? But is that what we find when we look at the bible, through the psalms, through job, through Jesus in the desert?......

Video Chat Pictures

Some highlights from tonights video iChat with Matt McGill...

Treetops

guns are to killing what the internet is to communication...

guns are the easiest and most effective tool to kill someone...
the internet is the easiest and most effective tool to communicate...

guns didn't invent killing.
the internet didn't invent communication.

...it was an improvement.


so if it is elimination you are looking for, you can't just cut the top off a tree that has been growing for thousands of years.

people have been killing each other since the beginning of the world. The third person that ever lived killed the fourth.

people have been communicating without the internet since the beginning of the world also.

but people don't kill people because it is easy. people don't kill people because guns are so effective.

friends don't talk to their friends because it is easy now. friends don't communicate with their friends merely because the internet is so effective.

people kill people because they want to.
friends communicate with friends because they want to.

it's always been that way...and it always will.

A fight against guns isn't a fight against war...it's just a fight against convenience

If my laptop broke in half right now it wouldn't end all my friendships.

If our desire is to be part of a cause that feels right and feels good, then seeking to eliminate guns is right on track.

If our desire is for real change, then the solution must address the real root of the problem: the evil human nature.

Satan would love nothing more than for God's people to stand on a street corner protesting against pieces of metal, while the hearts filled with hate sit desperately waiting for the truth of love.

Punching a hole in the wall makes you feel good when you are angry, but it most likely has nothing to do with what you are angry towards, and makes no progress in fixing your problem.

God has called us to be good stewards of our lives. This goes far beyond money. It includes our thoughts, our time, and therefore every area of our lives.

Christians who use the time God has given them to stand on street corners protesting against guns...
Christians who fill the mind God has given them with thoughts of anger towards those who support wars and weapons...
Christians whose finances are used towards the fight against guns...

Are not being good stewards of what they have been given.

"After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.' His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'" -Matthew 25:19-21

The problem is simply this: God has called us to go after the hearts of the lost and the hurting. We are to to attack evil at its core. We are to do this with love.

The anti-gun movements...along with many other culturally relevant movements...should make no sense to Christians because we know the truth of human nature, God's calling, and the inevitable fate of the world.

These movements simply chop the tops off of trees that have been growing for thousands of years.

and while humans continually attack them where it feels right...the evil roots will continue to expand underneath the surface.

We are called to something higher. 

We are called to love. 

That is to be our greatest aim. 

Love should be the goal of our thoughts, our money and our time. 

Anything else is just chopping off treetops. 

There were one million people murdered in Rwanda in 100 days... 

      ...with machetes

                         ...in 1994

December 2nd, 2007

I have to say my mind has been racing the last couple days. The AIDS Summit yesterday was something that really rocked my world and I have been trying to find the time to put all these jumbled thoughts down and try and sort them out...Here's the unsorted version:

On Saturday at the AIDS Youth Summit, Francis Chan said something that really got me thinking. He said: "If we are to love our neighbor like we love ourself, should we not spend as much on our neighbor as we spend on ourself?" It's kind of strange that this stuck out to me amongst all the incredible words spoken, statistics given, videos shown, etc. But I think it sticks out for a different reason.

Most people, and most Christians, who would hear a phrase like that would probably write it off pretty quickly. You could easily shoot back with so many answers from so many different angles, and eventually lead to calling this statement somewhat radical or crazy. But I feel like no matter how you truly feel about the statement, you have to believe the church is in desperate need for radical statements. Challenge it if you want, conclude that you don't agree with it if you want, but don't say this isn't the type of stuff we should be hearing more and more in the church.
When Jesus came to earth he flipped the entire system of success and status upside down. That was radical. I feel like we so easily find the next solution. What if we began to ask ourselves radical questions? What if we didn't stop at the logical conclusion? It's so easy to do something because that's how you've always done it, or that's how everyone does it. What if we changed the way we have church, or changed the way we spend our time?

Today my small group hung out at Starbucks and I encouraged them to do something that I found to be cool about a month ago, which was to write down everything you are truly passionate about. Some stuff I wrote down was just writing, spending time with my jr. high boys, making a Crave cd, etc. But then we started talking and thinking about how many hours in a day, or in a week, we actually spend on the things we are passionate about.

How much time do I spend in conversation with people every week? And how much of that conversation is meaningful? How much of that conversation will matter a week, a month, or a year from now? I can't believe how much time I have wasted talking about things that matter. The only conversations I've had that I can remember were those that had meaning to them. Obviously that isn't surprising.

I remember one conversation I had in particular with one of my best friends over the years. It was in Mexico during my Junior year with Kenny McMillen. He agreed to go to Mexico even though it was only a short time after he got home from his missions trip to Ukraine where he spent all his time with the street orphans. Our village was gathering up the kids and taking them inside the church. I checked outside one last time to make sure no one was still outside. I remember finding Kenny just sitting in the van, so I went over to talk to him. I remember him trying not to cry as he told me something that really changed my life, something that I wish I didn't agree to be true.

He said that his mind was racing, and he felt like something had to be wrong. Because in the midst of all the poverty, seeing all the children with nothing, hearing the students talk about how sorry they felt, he really didn't feel sorry at all. He went on to talk about his jealousy of those who have nothing but Jesus, and that while we tend to be sorry for them, they should feel sorry for us. We are so easily distracted, so easily covered with things and business that Jesus just becomes something buried somewhere in our life.

Lately I have felt burdened, knowing that God has given me much, and expects much in return. What a beautiful picture it is of God blessing one of his children with so much, and seeing him turn it all back to God, for the glory of Jesus Christ. I have been given so much. God expects much. What an incredible thing it could be if I were to follow through.

The AIDS pandemic, worldwide poverty, and the desperate need for Jesus Christ in the world are things that statistically blow our minds. But the solution for these things is much like Christianity itself, in that it is so difficult, but so simple. And so amidst all the swarming numbers, facts, and stories, the only statistic that matters is simply: one. What can I do with this one life I have been given? How will I respond to each situation presented to me? Will I choose God in each situation, allowing him to open up more doors? God didn't call me to cure AIDS. God didn't call me to cure poverty. But God called me to obey him. God called me to trust him. God called me follow his plan. It just so happens that God's plan is love.

You eat an elephant one bite at a time. You don't stare at the elephant and wish he was smaller. You don't talk about how big the elephant is. You don't forget about the elephant. You just bite into it...

What if?

I like...

Sometimes I waste too much time trying to form elaborate sentences with cleverly phrased titles. This is not going to be one of those times. From here on, this post will take the form of Asterisked bullet points. This is something I kinda felt like doing driving home today. I don't know that this list will ever end...


*I like when I am driving and there are mountains in my rear view mirror

*I like when people don't believe that I know every lyric to every song on KOST 103.5 and I get to prove them wrong

*I like the sound of silence in a room full of people who are thinking about things bigger than themselves

*I like the smell of buses. I like camps. I like wearing a backpack because it makes me think I might be going to camp. It usually turns out I just couldn't carry everything that day

*I like finding a story in the Bible I never knew before

*I like telling my mom she listens to crappy music while she's cooking even though I don't really care, have actually grown accustomed to it, and would probably miss it if it was gone

*I like the band Owen

*I like when my dog sits with her head on my lap while I do my homework

*I like that I play on a softball team with old guys :)

*I like spitting in front of girls and telling them there's nothing I can do about it because I am on a softball team

*I like the song, "A New Day has Come" by Celine Dion

*I like singers who can get from their falsetto voice to their chest voice really clean (Like my love Celine, and occasionally the guy from Five for Fighting. Such as in "100 Years"...right at 1 minute 57 seconds)

*I also like singers who do it more edgy like Chris Martin from Coldplay

*I like playing Madden '08 on my phone for the entire duration of my stupid nutrition class every day

*I like that my fantasy football team is called The Mission Viejo Golden Retrievers

*I like that I still talk trash even though I am 0-5

*I like when my jr. high boys see me from far away when I visit Wildside and run and tackle me

*I like that I hang out with lots of people who aren't the same age as me

*I like where my life is headed right now

*I like seeing why God was willing to let me go through times in my life to be where I am now

*I like conversations that happen in vans. Especially on Mexico trips.

*I like remembering another story that reminds me just how ridiculously fun my senior trip to Mexico was with all my best friends

*I like that the song "Note to Self:" by Owen makes me cry

*I like hugging Taffy and Matt McGill

*I like seeing people who truly choose to allow God to transform their life

*I like the simplicity of knowing that if I am faithful to God, I will always be right where I am supposed to be

*I like the movie Space Jam

*I like when something hits me like it never has before

*I like when God puts pictures in my head of what my future could be like

*I like that the pictures always have students on their knees worshiping God

*I like that junior high boys are always timid at first, but will eventually look up to you like no other age group

*I like how confused I get when I sit around and wonder why God made me good at playing drums

*I like that I can make mixed CD's that will melt girls (and real men's) hearts ;)

*I like when people try to get away with saying "I know" and you challenge them with, "Really though. Do you really know?"

*I like everything about Lord of the Rings

*I like girls who like everything about Lord of the Rings

*I like that my friends and I come up with amazing names for multiplayer halo: (Rick Warren, Kay Warren, Fred Durst, The PEACE Plan, having an entire team be the five global giants, etc.)

*I like that the majority of my real conversations have been on the way and out in the water surfing with my best friends

*I like seeing how God is using each of my friends even though we are beginning to split up

*I like that my friend Alice likes the way I form my sentences

*I have at times come to the conclusion that I appreciate my friend Alice enjoying the way I may or may not decide to phrase my sentences.

*I like that I don't know what my future holds

*I like taking myself out of the equation

*I love my mom

*and my dad

*and my sister

*and sometimes my dog


the end.

Dear Alanna, thanks for making my brain hurt.

On Saturday I drove down to Harbor House with some friends to celebrate Dillon's birthday. While Alanna and I spent the entire drive back on the freeway displaying our incredible vocal range and lyrical knowledge of KOST 103.5 songs, we used the drive down to have some good conversation. Alanna asked me a question that was and still is really kinda hard for me to answer. We ended up discussing it for some time and I really like the points she made about it. But just for fun I will try and unravel some of my thoughts on this question:

"Why do some kids 'make it' through the teenage years and keep their faith and other's don't?"

I put a little bit of thinking into this the last couple days, and this is as far as I have gotten so far:

1. Physical
2. Spiritual
3. Personal

1. The physical aspect refers to literally just showing up. Physically putting yourself in a place where the Word of God is being taught, where followers of Christ physically are, and where you will be challenged to be different. For myself, having attended almost every camp, mexico trip, bible study, worship night, park day, beach bonfire, or guys trip from 4th grade until college, I have seen first hand how students lives can be changed whether or not they really intended it. Looking back on mexico trips, there were plenty of students in my villages who were just there because it sounded cool, their friends were going, they had nothing else to do, or they just wanted to try something that was real. And their lives are different because of simply that, showing up. Unfortunately, just showing up doesn't necessarily keep students from falling away from Christ. Obviously if we can sit around and talk about why students slowly drift away from the church, then we must be thinking about specific people. And the only way we would've known those people is if they had been showing up before. The problem is that showing up isn't going to pry our eyes, ears, and hearts open to God. There has to be some sort of choice involved.

2. The spiritual aspect is where we take the physical places where we connect with God and other believers, and choose to find our place in them. This is where students begin to put not just their physical bodies into the ministry, but their hearts and their passions. It is God's perfect plan that the gifts he gives us be turned back around and used to glorify him. It is then that the roots of our heart begin to grow deep into the ministry. Just like the parable of the seeds, we don't become connected to a church just by being there. A seed sitting on a road isn't part of the road at all. It is only one slight breeze away from being long gone. Pouring your gifts and talents into something entangles your heart there. Choosing to serve in a ministry and devote your time, talents, and passions will grow roots that will not be easily ripped out.

3. The personal aspect refers to simply the people who will not let you go quietly. No one likes the feeling that they could leave and no one would notice. For some of us like myself who have always felt comfortable at church, and have always had plenty of Christian friends, it might be hard to imagine it any other way. But just think how many students sit in church and say to themselves, "I could walk out right now and never come back and no one would even notice." Aside from physically showing up and spiritually attaching their heart into the ministry, students need to feel like there are people who simply will not watch them fail. This includes students developing accountability with each other, as well as being mentored by leaders who pour into their lives.

That's kind of just the basics of what I have been thinking about on the subject. Trying to gather my thoughts has been kind of weird as I am beginning to remember just how many awesome people I have seen drift away from God over the years. I think that those three things are more of a general look at it though, and don't really look at the specifics like personality, insecurities, and spiritual discipline. Overall I believe that no matter what the circumstances, being a follower of Christ is all about choice. If I could say one thing to every high school senior in a ministry I would probably say this:

Being a follower of Christ has nothing to do with feelings, and everything to do with commitment. You've seen God's way and you've seen the world's way. Pick a side and do something.

If we want to be followers of Christ we must simply do it. It isn't a nice idea, a good feeling, or our "spiritual side." It should be who we are, what we want, what we think, and what we do. Satan has plenty of other things for us to be doing the second we leave our options open.


"But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." Joshua 24:15